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  • Writer's pictureMeg

How I transformed my relationships and found self-belief

Let me share a little story with you today about my journey to discovering the power of asking for what I truly needed from romantic partners and friends. Spoiler alert: I haven’t always been very good at this.

The Struggle with Vulnerability

I'm currently in the healthiest relationship of my life, surrounded by amazing friends with whom I can be completely transparent. Yay! 🥰 But trust me, it hasn’t always been this easy. There was a time when asking for what I wanted in relationships felt kinda gross. I feared being labelled as ‘needy’ or dramatic. 

When it came to friendships, asserting myself or saying no felt selfish and weak. I was terrified that if people didn’t agree with me, they’d walk away. Or they’d judge me, think less of me. That fear of rejection kept me from expressing my true self. Does this ring true for you right now?

The Cycle of Silence

And the more I tried to avoid confrontation, the worse it got. I began to notice disturbing patterns in the guys I was dating and felt increasingly frustrated with my friends. I thought I was being the perfect person to date and the nicest friend in the bunch. I grew resentful when my generosity wasn’t reciprocated.

I was tired of agreeing with them just to keep the peace, when inside, I was in complete disagreement. It felt like no one truly listened to me or appreciated what I brought to the table. Their lack of care made me furious, but I stayed silent, hoping things would change on their own.

It slowly dawned on me that I had always acted in this way and it had never to date, got me any closer to feeling fulfilled or content in my relationships or friendships. Something had to change.

The Breakthrough Moment

Which thankfully it did. In fact everything changed during a coach training session. In one conversation and with a few prompting questions and a simple exercise - my misconceptions about connections were shattered.

It was a revelation. 

And as I began to implement what I learned and communicated openly, all my relationships bit by bit, started to transform. I was so aware of what I was doing, that I couldn’t not notice when I was about to fall into old patterns. I began to realise I was experiencing more joy, intimacy, ease, and longevity.

As I celebrated one year with the most secure, chill, compassionate, and patient man I’ve ever met, it dawned on me. I had done so much mindset work to be able to accept that kind of love, rather than being addicted to drama, chaos and uncertainty. 😅 And the same goes for my friendships - I know what I will tolerate now - and they uplift me rather than drag me down. 

The key? Being crystal clear about my needs.

The Big Learning

Here's the biggest lesson I've learned: In our connections, it's easy to think you should stay quiet and hope others will meet your needs. If they don’t, you might think something is wrong with you. 

But the most important thing you can do is to look at how you are meeting your own needs. When you meet your own needs first, you're not fully relying on others to do it for you – and that’s some strong AF vibes right there.

The Journey to Self-Belief

Building self-belief and confidence isn't an overnight process. It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-reflection. For me, it started with small steps. I began to identify my needs and practice expressing them in a safe environment. At first, it felt uncomfortable, but with each step, I grew more confident.

I learned that it’s okay to ask for what you want. It’s okay to set boundaries and to say no. In fact, it’s essential. By doing so, you respect yourself and teach others to respect you too.

The Power of Self-Care

Self-care played a significant role in my transformation. I realised that taking care of my mental and emotional health was crucial. This meant taking time for myself, engaging in activities that I loved, and surrounding myself with positive influences. It also meant letting go of relationships that no longer served me.

When you prioritise self-care, you send a powerful message to yourself and others that you are worthy of love and respect. This shift in mindset changes how you interact with the world. You become more confident, assertive, and at peace with yourself.

Practical Tips for Building Confidence and Self-Belief

1. Identify Your Needs: Take time to understand what you truly need from your relationships. Write them down and reflect on them regularly.

2. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This could be anything from meditation, exercise, reading, or spending time in nature.

3. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set healthy boundaries. This protects your energy and ensures that your needs are met.

4. Communicate Openly: Practice expressing your needs and feelings openly and honestly. This builds trust and strengthens your connections.

5. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Let go of toxic relationships that drain your energy.

Reflect and Connect

Where are you right now when it comes to relationships and friendships in your life? Are you meeting your own needs? Are you surrounded by people who lift you up?

If you're struggling, know that you're not alone. Many of us have been there. It’s a journey, but it’s one worth taking. Building self-belief and confidence takes time, but with each step, you become stronger and more resilient.

So where does that leave you?

Transforming your relationships and building self-belief is a powerful journey. By meeting your own needs first, you create a foundation of strength and confidence. You attract healthier relationships and build deeper connections. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect. 

Start with yourself, and watch how your world changes.

By implementing these strategies, you can start to see a shift in your mindset and relationships. It’s time to embrace your power, build your confidence, and transform your life.

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