Lessons From Past Relationships: The Joyful Gifts You Don’t Have to Give Back

Five years ago, I made a quiet but powerful vow to myself:

Never again would I stay in a relationship just because I was scared of being single.

I was done with the toxic patterns. Done with shrinking myself to fit someone else’s comfort zone. I’d read the attachment theory books. Journaled until my pen bled. Listened to all the damn podcasts. In theory, I knew better.

But real talk? That didn’t stop the grief. The sadness. The sting of relationships that didn’t last, not just the romantic ones, but friendships, too. I kept asking myself: What lessons do I need to learn here? What was this meant to teach me?

And while that reflection is important, I was missing something massive.

I was so focused on what went wrong that I completely overlooked what I gained.

💫 The Joyful Gifts I Got to Keep

From people who are no longer in my life, I picked up things I now adore. Tiny moments. Big shifts. Random quirks.

Like:

- How to make really good scrambled eggs

- Neck a pint of water when I’m in a mood

- My love for The Breakfast Club (still my fave film)

- That being weird is a vibe, and a strength

- Doc Martens with dresses = always a yes

- The “wallpaper” dance move (you had to be there)

- 19 Crimes red wine

- And so much more...

They might be gone, but these aren’t things I had to give back. They stay. These are the joyful, random, deeply personal souvenirs from seasons of my life that, yes, ended, but still left me richer.

🔄 What If We Stopped Viewing Every Ending as a Failure?

Because here's the truth: you are allowed to grieve the loss and still love what it gave you.

The relationship might have ended. The friendship faded. The situationship ghosted. But what you learned, enjoyed, discovered? That’s yours. That doesn’t go anywhere.

Those are the joyful gifts you don’t have to return.

This mindset didn’t come naturally, I built it. And now it’s a trait I’m proud of. It’s how I choose to see my past.

And it’s part of what I help other women do inside The Joy Project.